the friend online
05 September 2008

Reflection

Thereís a crack in everything - preview

In this second of three articles resulting from his Menís Retreat, Peter Fishpool talks about fathering

I had wanted to go on a Menís Retreat to explore my relationship with my (now dead) dad
  • Much of my wariness with other men relates to uncertainties with him
  • I tell myself I did not doubt his love, but he never expressed it in words
  • He did lash out, however, with savage put-downs when upset
  • The explicitness of his furies seriously undermined what I was trying to read into his actions as implicit signs of love


  • In the carefully constructed processes of the Menís Rite of Passage I was able to sit with what I have long known but never properly comprehended
  • In teenage years I had got to know a little my dadís pa, a twinkling white-haired old man, benign and harmless, surely
  • Yet when he was seven my dadís mum died and his pa sent him away to the country to be looked after by his grandmother and his maiden aunt
  • Dadís pa, my grandpa, absented himself from my dadís upbringing
  • I asked why grandpa was missing from my parentsí wedding photo Ė he was simply not invited

  • Peter Fishpool

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